Policies

APPENDIX 4

Good Practice Guidelines Following the Death by Suicide of a Club Member  

he death by suicide of a member of a club can have a deep impact on club members, in  particular on teammates and coaches. How a club responds to a death by suicide depends  on a number of factors including: 

• How well known the person who died was to club members; 

• How the club has dealt with past tragedies;  

• The leadership shown by key club members; and  

• Media coverage of the event 

What to do after a suicide: Do’s 

Acknowledge the death Acknowledge that a club member has died. Respect that some  families may choose not to describe the death as a suicide. 

Acknowledge a wide range of feelings 

Acknowledge that individuals will experience a wide range of feelings and emotions as a  result of the death.  

• Be gentle with each other – we all grieve in different ways  

• The grieving process takes months and years not days and weeks  

• Don’t blame yourself or anyone else for the death 

Try to get the balance right 

Try to get the balance right between continuing to do normal activities (for example,  following the funeral, go ahead with scheduled matches), but also make allowances that motivation and morale may be low among the team. Try not to underestimate young  people’s natural ability to cope with difficult situations. 

Keep an eye out for vulnerable people  

Watch out for those who are not doing well or may be at greatest risk, for example: • Brother and sisters of the deceased person who are also club members;  • Close friends;  

• Teammates; and others who may be experiencing difficult life situations at the time.  Anyone who may be particularly vulnerable at this particular time may need extra support. 

Having access to local support services contact details is important. You can usually call on  these organisations for advice. For more information on local support available contact the  local Mental and Emotional Wellbeing and Suicide Prevention contacts.  

Anticipate sensitive dates on the calendar 

Anticipate birthdays, holidays, anniversary dates and other celebratory events where the  person’s absence from the team will be most felt. Accept there will be times, such as these,  when members of the club may benefit from extra support. 

Don’ts 

Don’t focus only on the positive 

Do not remember the person who died by only talking about the positive things about  them. While it is important to celebrate their sporting achievements and other personal  qualities, it is also crucial to talk about the loss. Openly acknowledge and discuss the pain,  and heartache, as well as any difficulties the person might have been experiencing, for  example mental health issues, but with any discussions also encourage individuals to seek  help if they feel the need to talk to someone. 

Be careful how you pay respects  

Do not over-indulge 

Around the time of the funeral and immediately afterwards it is important to ask members  and friends to try not to overindulge in alcohol, caffeine or other substances. They may  make people more vulnerable at this time.

Short-term 

Right after a suicide those affected often look for the following: 

Information 

Moy Davitts have a list of services which are available for support in Mayo . Support 

The first gathering of the team after the funeral, for example, the first night back at  training, may be a difficult time for everyone. Coaches have found it helpful to break the  team up into small groups and allow some time to talk about their deceased team member.  Coaches or team leaders may wish to prepare for this by thinking through the types of  issues that they think will be raised and how best to create a safe place to discuss these  matters. Coaches or team leaders should seek the help of local support services if they feel  necessary and/or the county health and wellbeing chair. Some coaches may not feel  comfortable in preparing for such a gathering. 

The following topics are usually addressed: 

• How to support people who are grieving at this time;  

• Looking after yourself during this traumatic time; and  

• What to look out for, also what to say and do if you are worried about someone else 

Normally, the coach/mentor who knows the players best should be the person to inform  them of the events and lead the classroom session. Players, especially juvenile ones,  generally feel safe and secure with someone they know. If the individual(s) feels  uncomfortable with this role another club member may work with them and share the task,  or outside support may be brought in.  

Coaches/mentors/officers should have the opportunity to opt out of this work if they feel  unable to handle it and other arrangements should be made for the squad/group of players.  The aim of the session is to break the news to give the students an opportunity to discuss  what has happened and to express their thoughts and feelings in a secure environment. The  facilitator needs to listen and be empathic. The session needs to be tailored to the age and  developmental level of the group.  

The outline of the session is as follows:  

Step 1: Giving the facts and dispelling rumours  

Step 2: Sharing stories and allowing and encouraging the sharing of thoughts and the expression of  feelings  

Step 3: Normalising the reactions 

Step 4: Worries (for younger players) 

Step 5: Empowerment 

Step 6: Closure 

Step 7: Free Time

Step 8: Recovery